you ain’t sexy, and i know it.

what is it about men that gives them this utter confidence to think they are hot shit and can just do as they please. i am in disbelief right now and hope that i am not the only one. you go out, you meet a guy, you have great conversation, you then give him your number.. if he calls, he calls, if he doesn’t who cares. (at least that’s how i look at it..) so lets just say this guy does end up contacting you the next day…. you exchange a few texts, ya know … no biggie. day two of texting rolls around and after the “hello, how was your day text” you receive a picture.. and no not of him smiling, or of one of those funny/sarcastic ecards that one loves to receive (hint.. hint). this picture was of  him without his shirt on. WHAT THE FUCK? seriously? one, i did not ask for you to send me this picture, two i could have definitely done w. out it, unless you are sporting a six pack that looks absolutely delish (please refer to picture A below), then do not send shirtless pictures of yourself to anyone besides yo mama – unless, of course one asks for them.

the worst thing about this entire situation, is that this isn’t the first time a guy has done this. just because a girl has a conversation with you, DOES NOT MEAN SHE WANTS TO BONE YOU. i can’t grasp the way a man thinks. i just don’t get it. am i crazy? is it me who feels that this is completely uncalled for and out of line? are girls doing this? are they just sending pictures of themselves half naked saying “hey check it out, i just went HAM at the gym,” cause if they are, ladies please put your shirts back on and take one for the team. if i see one more unattractive picture sent to my cell phone i might have to gouge my eyes out.

picture a:

sexy six pack ryan gosling

point is, if you look like this, then please mass text me every shirtless picture you take. but if you don’t, then keep it to yourself. THANKKSSS.

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i’m a mouse, DUH!

countdown, 18 days away. excitement, growing by the minute. i have been waiting months for halloween. i came up with my costume idea maybe mid march, and have been anticipating hallows eve ever since. i think making your costume is so much more fun than just going to party city and picking one up. even if you steal the EXACT same idea from one of those mass produced, and just make it yourself, kinda gives you some individuality. hottest thing since sliced bread, lady gaga. do you know how many people are going to be lady gaga for halloween? about 345,523,677,231 and that is probably just in miami alone! at least if you make your costume you can look a tid bit different, tweek a few things, you know, stand out from the crowd. i have 3 different things i want to be for halloween (and that was eliminating about 4 of them), – i don’t want to be a repeat costume offender!

for those who are into making their own costumes, american apparel is by far the best place to shop for them. especially if you are like most girls and are going for the hoochie mama look ;p. all of the pieces are simple and you can add on to them. bonus if you don’t destroy the pieces you can actually wear them when its not halloween. (this is what I am doing, pictures coming soon!)

the question is, what to do for halloween? lincoln road is always a great time.. i worked it last year (no, not like that – i did the pr for it) and it was jam packed. costumes galore.. dogs, cats, kids, hot guys, girls … you see everything! if you are into halloween, this is a great place to go and it is free! there is also the swedish house mafia – back in black party, sat. oct 29.

so you still don’t know what to be for halloween, or you are too lazy to actually think of a costume.. SHAME ON YOU! here are a few ideas for everyone. cheap andddd easy to do.

girl costumes:
sasha fierce – black leotard. stockings. heels
cat, dog, bunny, etc. – leotard in the designated color depending on the animal, buy a tail, paint on a nose or whiskers, and don’t forget about the ears!
grapes – buy purple balloons, blow them up and stick them to you. brown tights for the stems and you’re good to go.
nudist – i  don’t think I have to explain this costume.
cereal killer – wear a black dress, stick cereal boxes to yourself, with some fake blood on it and carry around a knife (preferably not a real one)
daisy duke/cowgirl – plaid shirt, tied. short short short shorts, and cowboy boots.

guy costumes:
douche bag – wear a garbage bag, and put a sign on you saying douche.
a mime – dress in all black, white gloves and paint your face white.
ghost – all you need is a sheet!
chick magnet – buy peeps at the grocery store.. stick them on to your clothing or a garbage bag, anything really. please don’t use real chicks, its mean and it will hurt them! fear & loathing in las vegas – patterned, short-sleeve, collared shirt / sneakers / aviator sunglasses / fedora / khaki shorts

and if anyone can pull this lego man off, i will marry you.