you ain’t sexy, and i know it.

what is it about men that gives them this utter confidence to think they are hot shit and can just do as they please. i am in disbelief right now and hope that i am not the only one. you go out, you meet a guy, you have great conversation, you then give him your number.. if he calls, he calls, if he doesn’t who cares. (at least that’s how i look at it..) so lets just say this guy does end up contacting you the next day…. you exchange a few texts, ya know … no biggie. day two of texting rolls around and after the “hello, how was your day text” you receive a picture.. and no not of him smiling, or of one of those funny/sarcastic ecards that one loves to receive (hint.. hint). this picture was of  him without his shirt on. WHAT THE FUCK? seriously? one, i did not ask for you to send me this picture, two i could have definitely done w. out it, unless you are sporting a six pack that looks absolutely delish (please refer to picture A below), then do not send shirtless pictures of yourself to anyone besides yo mama – unless, of course one asks for them.

the worst thing about this entire situation, is that this isn’t the first time a guy has done this. just because a girl has a conversation with you, DOES NOT MEAN SHE WANTS TO BONE YOU. i can’t grasp the way a man thinks. i just don’t get it. am i crazy? is it me who feels that this is completely uncalled for and out of line? are girls doing this? are they just sending pictures of themselves half naked saying “hey check it out, i just went HAM at the gym,” cause if they are, ladies please put your shirts back on and take one for the team. if i see one more unattractive picture sent to my cell phone i might have to gouge my eyes out.

picture a:

sexy six pack ryan gosling

point is, if you look like this, then please mass text me every shirtless picture you take. but if you don’t, then keep it to yourself. THANKKSSS.

numba 23 in da houz

hold up, wait a minute… apparently shots were fired because of a pair of jordans? REALLY. i don’t see why people had to take it to that level.. i don’t see ladies fighting over a pair of louboutins, which personally i think look a lot better than a pair of jordan shoes. seriously, WHO STILL WEARS JORDANS? (i am sure i am going to get a lot of hate for that one) so you are telling me that a pair of $180 shoes almost got a person killed? for a pair of shoes? i love shoes like any woman my age, maybe a little bit more than the rest but i don’t think i would go to extremes to shoot someone for their shoes. i mean… well maybe if they were one of a kind YSL’s or alexander mcqueens, then i might just have to resort to violence.

this whole shebang happened in san fran, when a guy standing in line with 3,000 of his closest friends was waiting for a chance to buy the air jordan xi retro “concord” (even the name doesn’t sound too appealing for my taste) decided shooting a gun into the air might help his chances in skipping the line. wrong. this guy obviously had the wrong idea and ended up spending the night in jail.maybe next time he should try the good ‘ol indian skip instead..

but the stupidity doesn’t stop there… it managed to make its way up to seattle (ha.. of course it did, obviously only complete morons live in that city). twenty plus people went home with pepper spray in their eyes instead of shoes on their feet. news flash guys, online shopping! no lines. no pushing. no shootings. (the list can go on..)

beautiful YSL’s vs air jordan xi retro “concord”

that shit cray.

should i answer it?

i was out to dinner recently, and unintentionally while i was “listening” to a story that i probably didn’t care too much about, my eyes started wandering around the restaurant watching individuals around me. have you ever sat down at a restaurant and just people watched? if you haven’t, next time you should. most likely you will see the same thing at every table, regardless if it is a group of friends out, a couple in love or a family out to dinner, everyone is drowned in their cell phones. is this okay? what ever happened to spending quality time with people? technology is seriously taking over every aspect of our lives. and it isn’t just with people my age, my parents are worse than me! my dad, is iphone obsessed. he sits there while we are at dinner and plays with it. then it is like a chain reaction, my mom takes hers out and i take mine out. so the three of us are sitting at a table, not speaking to each other wrapped up in our phones. i think there should be a rule, no one is allowed to text inside of a restaurant. i first noticed the cell phone isolation problem that night i was at dinner with my parents, but it wasn’t until i was being forced to listen to that oh so interesting story, that it hit me and i was in complete shock. that chain reaction i was talking about, i saw it right before my eyes. there were a group of about seven people sitting at a table close to mine. i started listening to their conversation, because mine was boring dragging on, until one girl reached into her purse, pulled out her phone to check it, and then there it went. one by one everyone started getting out their phones. going on facebook, twitter, texting etc. i couldn’t believe it. i didn’t know what i was more upset about, not being able to ease drop or have to continue listening to the shit coming out of this guys mouth in front of me. but in all seriousness, that is so sad. you’re out with friends but instead you would rather talk to people who aren’t there? the leave your cell phone in your purse / pocket embargo has begun!

technology doesn’t just stop there, what happened to a good ol fashion letter? i can’t even remember the last time i got a letter in the mail that wasn’t a bill, UF asking me for money, or the stupid credit cards upping my limit.. and what ever happened to talking on the phone? i miss those days where i would chit chat for hours upon hours on the phone. now, pah.. you should see how many roll over minutes i have! i have grown to hate it. texting is so impersonal.. sending something like “hey i am running late” should be what texting is used for, but instead, now it is used to get to know someone? really? so what are we supposed to do, just succumb to using hangouts on google+ as a way to hangout with our friends from the comfort of our own homes. is it going to get to a point where i can eat lunch and facetime my friend in boston, who is at lunch too. would i consider that eating w. someone? it is great to be able to facetime with boyfriends or girlfriends who live far away, and it is incredible that you can pretty much use technology to your advantage for a lot of long distance relationships, whether it is with a family memeber, friend or significant other. technology closes the gap, and seems to make thousands of miles dissappear. but there is a time and a place for that, and when you are out with people, that should not be the time nor the place.

i’m a mouse, DUH!

countdown, 18 days away. excitement, growing by the minute. i have been waiting months for halloween. i came up with my costume idea maybe mid march, and have been anticipating hallows eve ever since. i think making your costume is so much more fun than just going to party city and picking one up. even if you steal the EXACT same idea from one of those mass produced, and just make it yourself, kinda gives you some individuality. hottest thing since sliced bread, lady gaga. do you know how many people are going to be lady gaga for halloween? about 345,523,677,231 and that is probably just in miami alone! at least if you make your costume you can look a tid bit different, tweek a few things, you know, stand out from the crowd. i have 3 different things i want to be for halloween (and that was eliminating about 4 of them), – i don’t want to be a repeat costume offender!

for those who are into making their own costumes, american apparel is by far the best place to shop for them. especially if you are like most girls and are going for the hoochie mama look ;p. all of the pieces are simple and you can add on to them. bonus if you don’t destroy the pieces you can actually wear them when its not halloween. (this is what I am doing, pictures coming soon!)

the question is, what to do for halloween? lincoln road is always a great time.. i worked it last year (no, not like that – i did the pr for it) and it was jam packed. costumes galore.. dogs, cats, kids, hot guys, girls … you see everything! if you are into halloween, this is a great place to go and it is free! there is also the swedish house mafia – back in black party, sat. oct 29.

so you still don’t know what to be for halloween, or you are too lazy to actually think of a costume.. SHAME ON YOU! here are a few ideas for everyone. cheap andddd easy to do.

girl costumes:
sasha fierce – black leotard. stockings. heels
cat, dog, bunny, etc. – leotard in the designated color depending on the animal, buy a tail, paint on a nose or whiskers, and don’t forget about the ears!
grapes – buy purple balloons, blow them up and stick them to you. brown tights for the stems and you’re good to go.
nudist – i  don’t think I have to explain this costume.
cereal killer – wear a black dress, stick cereal boxes to yourself, with some fake blood on it and carry around a knife (preferably not a real one)
daisy duke/cowgirl – plaid shirt, tied. short short short shorts, and cowboy boots.

guy costumes:
douche bag – wear a garbage bag, and put a sign on you saying douche.
a mime – dress in all black, white gloves and paint your face white.
ghost – all you need is a sheet!
chick magnet – buy peeps at the grocery store.. stick them on to your clothing or a garbage bag, anything really. please don’t use real chicks, its mean and it will hurt them! fear & loathing in las vegas – patterned, short-sleeve, collared shirt / sneakers / aviator sunglasses / fedora / khaki shorts

and if anyone can pull this lego man off, i will marry you.

just don’t sniff it.

at my current job i am the social media director/guru/expert/princess/specialist/ruler … (that is what i go by in the office) and one of the clients i deal with, well three of the clients are wine bars. so as the social media queen i post a lot of interesting facts about wine. i think i might even start calling myself a wine connoisseur. i seriously spend the majority of my day looking up facts, articles and cool videos. as a gift to all of you, i would like to share my favorite findings to enhance your knowledge of wine and maybe impress a few people..  so please take notes ;].

lets start off with the healthy side of wine. who would have thought that an alcoholic beverage can actually do more good than harm. this intrigued me… i’m not going to go into full detail but i will list a few of the health benefits. in men, there is evidence that moderate wine consumption is associated with a significant reduction in cardiovascular disease and cancer. women, a study said that women who drink wine have fewer kidney stones, have higher bone mass and a glass of red wine a day reduces the risk of ovarian cancer by 50 percent. wine also cuts the risk of a stroke, anddd get this, it is like the fountain of youth, studies have found that you actually live longer, if that is the case i shall be around for my great great great grand kids! my favorite health facts: it improves memory! (thank god something that can improve my memory), also (this one is the best) people who drink wine on the daily are said to have lower body mass than those who indulge occasionally. whaaat uppp! aside from the health benefits, the amount of calories in a glass of wine was by far the ultimate fact. of course the calorie count is based on one glass of wine, but c’mon who really drinks just one glass. but at least you don’t feel as guilty compared to when you drink liquor. with that said, there are about 80 calories in a 4 oz. glass of white zinfandel, while there are about 80 calories in a 4oz. glass of red wine.

things you should know:
– an Italian study argues that women who drink two glasses of wine a day have better sex than those who don’t drink at all.
– a “cork-tease” is someone who constantly talks about the wine he or she will open but never does.
– California, New York, and Florida lead the United States in wine consumption.
– Oenophobia is an intense fear or hatred of wine.
– top three imported wines sold in the U.S. are Yellowtail (Australia), Cavit (Italy), and Concha y Toro (Chile).

personally, i am a red wine drinker. i love a merlot or a cabernet sauvignon, but blends are my favorite. both bottles of red wine that i prefer are reasonably priced.

yellow tail, a cabernet merlot blend is the best.
this bottle can be bought at a local cvs, windixie, publix.. $6 (soooo cheap and sooooo good!)

Ménage à Trois Red – a blend of 3 different red wines.
also found at a local cvs, publix or windixie. $12

tips when ordering/ways to impress a girl:

at a restaurant, let the sommelier (waiter/server) pour the wine into your glass. gently swirl the wine, i repeat, GENTLY… use those muscles for something else! sniff it. sip it. hesitate. don’t say yes until you have maybe tried it a second time.

the waiter sommelier, most likely will present a cork to you when you order a bottle of wine. moment of truth, what the eff do you do? look at it to be certain that it is intact and not dried out, and that is it. please do not sniff it.

some people have trouble pronouncing names of wines, so stick with labels you can pronounce, and if you want to choose a wine you can’t pronounce, just point. (i  know i know, your mother always told you not to point, but in a situation like this, anything goes!)

don’t look nervous.

remember: white wine with fish, red wine with meat and champagne with anything.

players are going to playyy

when do you get to the age when you stop playing those stupid relationship games? when does the “i wonder if he is going to call” or the “i am just going to ignore the whole situation” blow over. i don’t see why these things need to be done. i have experienced it, my girl friends have experienced it and my guy friends do it. why do we find the need to test how the person feels? if you like someone, then like them. stop hiding around corners, stop making up excuses and most importantly let them know. this isn’t high school anymore where you are mean to the person you like, i would like to think that most of us have progressed and no longer have that same mentality. but then again, i know this is not how men work or women for that matter.

on saturday, i was approached by a 13 year old asking for advice about girls. i asked him, do you want to be the player or do you want to be the romantic (because there is a HUGE difference on the type of girls you will get and the way to act around them.) he said the player, yay society for continuing this terrible tradition. i told him the trick to getting any girl is to ignore her. there is nothing that drives a woman crazy more than being ignored. thats the secret. there is nothing else to it (yeah guys, us girls know all about it). i let him know that girls fall for assholes, they have and they always will. i don’t know why we all want to be masochist, as if the guy who will treat us with respect and send us flowers isn’t good enough.. we would rather sit at home waiting for the guy who pays no attention to us. something is seriously wrong with that picture.

anyways, my weekend turned out exactly how i wanted it too.. except instead of drinking a lot of wine i replaced it with about 6 or 7 tequila shots. you can just assume how my night turned out… not too pretty.

leave gossiping to the ladies.. thanks

you know what i love, i love when guys put down girls for gossiping. “naah you all talk so much shit” or  “do you ever stop talking about people?” are usually the phrases my guy friends like to utter. okay, now pause. these statements would be okay if a) you didn’t talk shit yourself.  b) when you find something out you don’t run and tell your boys. or c) you don’t fabricate what happened with a girl so you can look cool in front of your friends.   see the difference between guys gossiping and girls gossiping… we like to inform each other about what other girls are doing with their lives (you know like if samantha is still sleeping with guy 1 guy 2 guy 3 and guy 4), not about the people we are sleeping with/dating/crushing, or whatever the hell you want to call it. guys on the other hand, like to tell their stories (i won’t use the word gossip because i don’t want to offend any of you cry babies out there) with a nice little twist. why do you need to look cool in front of you friends?.. you know its okay to have feelings.. WHAAAT? i know, who would have thought?! it is funny though cause guys never tell their friends the good stuff about a girl, and if they do they throw in a lot of sexual references and “dawgs”. well boys, one thing you don’t know is just like guys have that little phrase “bros before hoes” we have one too, “chicks before dicks”. so you gossiping telling stories to your guy friends,  and you think it remains just between the two of you – you’re absolutely mistaken. that guy is going to then call one of his boys, and that boy will then tell ALL his boys, and then guess what, let one girl be present… it will get back to the girl. we always find out. if you have not learned this as of yet then you have a hard life ahead of you. we are crazy. i will be the first to admit i have a screw or two loose, but who doesn’t? this is why you need to leave the stories gossiping to the girls. we will never offend you unless you have been mean to us and we will never make you look bad… unless you have been mean to us. which is why there is a huge difference between guys and girls when it comes to sharing information. gossiping comes as second nature to us… we do it without knowing we are doing it. this is a new thing that has been introduced to men… and it needs to stop. you make girls feel bad even if you are just their friends… girls can take shit from other girls but when guys say it, or if a girl hears that her guy has said this about her… to her it isn’t a friendly little exchange of words.. it is a lot more serious than that, which is why guys need to zip it, and leave the rumor spreading to the people who know how to do it best.

ew, new balance.

this message is directed to men who wear new balance sneakers on and off the field. the only places they should be worn is at the gym, on a basketball court/football field/golf course/track, etc. if you are wearing new balance sneakers on dates, at work, at parties, and/or any venue that is not sport related, please direct yourself to the nearest cliff and jump off. (okay, that might have been a tad bit harsh…)

i don’t mean to be picky, but lets just play the role reversal game for a second. you see a pretty girl, wearing a pretty dress.. you look her up.. you start to look her down and BAM she is wearing a pair of new balance sneakers. what would be the first thing to cross your mind? how about WHAT THE EFF IS SHE WEARING? i am just guessing in the dark here, but that is definitely what would cross my mind. there is something about new balance sneakers that adds about 16 years to your look and completely demotes you to being worst dressed, no matter how awesome your outfit might be.

you might not think shoes are a big deal, but they are all part of your first impression.  just like new balance sneakers pretty much are a deal breaker for a guy, so are air force ones. those are so middle school. i get annoyed when i see guys wearing them still.. to this day! and then they get irritated when their shoes get scuffed. really? you are concerned that your precious shoes are going to get dirty, then why would you wear them to a club or a party, news flash you aren’t walking around in a bubble.

.. just saying

gtl babbyyy

the gym. i have plenty of things to say about the gym. one, why do guys think it is appropriate to hit on girls while they are at the gym. we are sweaty and smelly and look gross, the last thing i want to do is to be asked for my number while i am doing squats or leg presses. there is a time and place for everything and the gym is NOT the time or the place. complaint number one.

attire. i don’t know if i should start with women or men. who is the genius that started  the “sandal wearing trend” at the gym. SERIOUSLY, i hope a weight falls on your foot. why in the hell would you ever wear sandals to them gym! it is like a girl wearing heels to the gym, completely inappropriate. then there are the jean shorts. i cringe when i see a guy wearing jean shorts at the gym. i know very well you have basketball shorts in your house, so why do you opt for the jean shorts.. cmon.

next order of business, this is for the ladies… why do some girls go to the gym with so much makeup on that they resemble a clown. you do know you are at the gym, and you do know you sweat and make up tends to run.. personally i think girls who wear a considerable amount of make up to the gym look absolutely ridiculous. but that is just my opinion.

then there are the girls tend to wear those biker shorts that are so far up their ass that they spend the majority of the time they are at the gym picking their wedgies. they then complain and get loud with guy when they stare/make rude comments. if you don’t want to get attention don’t dress for your night job on the corner of 49th street

 

what i love.. seeing older woman completely decked out head to toe in the same color. you know those 50 some year olds that never left the 80s. They wear red tights with a red tank with red shoes and then as if that isn’t enough they wear a red scrunchie! i love  it. i always smirk when i see this and think to myself, i hope this never happens to me, unless of course i look like jane fonda. 

toast to the assholes.

why does chivalry have to be dead? sometimes i wish we were still in the 1950’s when men opened doors for a lady and not because they wanted to get in between their legs but because it was what was supposed to be done. now a guy thinks it is enough to take a girl out ONE TIME and she will put out. news flash it’s not. i am not saying a girl will drop her panties the second you open the car door for her, but i am pretty sure you will get a lot farther if you treat a girl like a lady rather than making it completely apparent that you want to sleep with her. i have had this conversation with a lot of girls and we all seem to be on the same page, you might not want a girlfriend, but you still need to respect the girls you are trying to sleep with. if you have no respect for them, than you have no business talking to them.

i hate when my guy friends call girls bitches. why is it okay to refer to a girl as a bitch? we are people too. we don’t go around describing you to our friends saying “hey so last night i went on a date with some asshole..” or what about if girls just went around saying “daaaaaaamn look at that asshole,” all while grunting. we don’t do that and neither should you.

text messaging. or should i call it sexting.. there is a fine line when one should begin sexting a girl and when one should hold out. kinda like dating. a girl might give you her number and might be flirty with you but that doesn’t mean that she is going to send you a naked picture of herself. who started this and why do guys think it is okay to ask for one after three days of texting. no sorry that is not equivalent to three dates. you don’t know each other and it kinda makes a girl feel sleeeeezy. don’t get me wrong, everyone has their own prerogative, but i am pretty sure the overall consensus of my gender is on my side.

first hand experience: i started dating this guy. on paper he was everything you would want in a guy. before our third date he said the only way we would go out is if i slept over his house… so basically he propositioned me? need i say more, i cursed him out and never spoke to him again.

moral of the story? be a gentleman. i am not saying be a whimp, cause ew no one likes a softy, but open doors, walk on the side of the street where the cars are, hold a girls purse (and no, it doesn’t make you gay), walk her to her door at night, and don’t expect something in return. if you do those little things, you’ll get a lot further.. i promise.