two burns and a horrible stomach ache later

how my night ended, two burns, and my boyfriend having to cut my food for me, since i was handicapped. i know, i know, HUGE BRAT!

first i would like to start off with a suggestion, pinterest needs to have a please don’t try this at home warning under all images of food. with that said, i will tell you about my attempt to make a caprice dip with garlic bread, asparagus with balsamic tomatoes, chicken rollatini with spinach alla parmigiana (fancy, i know) and brownies for dessert. i don’t know if you know this about me but i can’t cook. no seriously, i can’t. i learned how to peel an onion during my third year of college, and that was ground breaking. eggs, i’ve perfected, well only scrambled, and anything i can heat up in the microwave I AM YOUR GIRL!

at this point i am sure you are asking yourself “why would you do that to yourself, and try and make a four course meal?” well duh cause i have a boyfriend and i need to let him know i can do other things than shop and complain. at least this was my grand idea around 4pm monday. did all the grocery shopping during lunch, i even chopped up the tomatoes, i was ready to take on my kitchen as soon as i got home from work. all i kept thinking was “go big or go home.”

what i should have done was order out. first i took out all the ingredients, so far so good. i decided to start with the chicken rollatini with spinach alla parmigiana (i love the name) since it took the longest. well after the third attempt of adding ingredients, then realizing i added the wrong ingredient to that bowl and it was supposed to go in another bowl, i finally got it… or so i thought. it wasn’t until i had to bread the chicken that i realized thaaaats why i needed the egg, and it wasn’t supposed to be in the spinach concoction i made. whoops, hope he doesn’t notice. as i stare at the chicken, which the directions clearly said i wouldn’t need toothpicks to hold them together, and that they would easily stick – yeah my ass, my chicken con spinach looked NOTHING like the picture. a perfect example of a “nailed it” image.

the chicken goes into the oven, and i start on the asparagus, which was pretty easy. some how i managed to cook the asparagus, prepare the mozzarella for the caprice dip and make the brownie batter all while the chicken was baking. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WOMEN DO THIS! i seriously have a new found respect for mothers who work all day, and have dinner on the table for their husbands, cause that sure as hell ain’t going to be me. chicken is done. asparagus is done, table is set and all that is left is the easiest thing, the caprice dip, which at this point has turned into my enemy. the cheese wouldn’t melt, or it did melt but it all stuck together and didn’t quite look like a dip, more like a block of cheese. FAIL. now i take the dish out of the scorching hot oven and as i am doing this i almost drop the dish, so what is my first reaction “hey superwoman, the dish isn’t hot, you didn’t just take it out of the oven, lets just grab it with your bare hand.” obviously, i curse everything in sight, and promise myself I WILL NEVER COOK AGAIN! hmph. i mean it’s not for everyone right. some people can’t swim, others can’t ride a bike, i can’t cook. there i said it, I CAN’T COOK!

my boyfriend was a good sport, and ate the food with a smile on his face.  he did inform me that he woke up in the middle of the night with the worst stomach ache of his life… oh well, at least he didn’t die. (as you can tell i am the cup half full kinda girl) but i now have two of the worst burns i have ever had in my life, the food kind of resembled food, and i did not have to call miami-dade fire rescue, so i guess that’s a plus.oh wait, and my boyfriend told me i never have to cook for him again, mission accomplished.

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just don’t sniff it.

at my current job i am the social media director/guru/expert/princess/specialist/ruler … (that is what i go by in the office) and one of the clients i deal with, well three of the clients are wine bars. so as the social media queen i post a lot of interesting facts about wine. i think i might even start calling myself a wine connoisseur. i seriously spend the majority of my day looking up facts, articles and cool videos. as a gift to all of you, i would like to share my favorite findings to enhance your knowledge of wine and maybe impress a few people..  so please take notes ;].

lets start off with the healthy side of wine. who would have thought that an alcoholic beverage can actually do more good than harm. this intrigued me… i’m not going to go into full detail but i will list a few of the health benefits. in men, there is evidence that moderate wine consumption is associated with a significant reduction in cardiovascular disease and cancer. women, a study said that women who drink wine have fewer kidney stones, have higher bone mass and a glass of red wine a day reduces the risk of ovarian cancer by 50 percent. wine also cuts the risk of a stroke, anddd get this, it is like the fountain of youth, studies have found that you actually live longer, if that is the case i shall be around for my great great great grand kids! my favorite health facts: it improves memory! (thank god something that can improve my memory), also (this one is the best) people who drink wine on the daily are said to have lower body mass than those who indulge occasionally. whaaat uppp! aside from the health benefits, the amount of calories in a glass of wine was by far the ultimate fact. of course the calorie count is based on one glass of wine, but c’mon who really drinks just one glass. but at least you don’t feel as guilty compared to when you drink liquor. with that said, there are about 80 calories in a 4 oz. glass of white zinfandel, while there are about 80 calories in a 4oz. glass of red wine.

things you should know:
– an Italian study argues that women who drink two glasses of wine a day have better sex than those who don’t drink at all.
– a “cork-tease” is someone who constantly talks about the wine he or she will open but never does.
– California, New York, and Florida lead the United States in wine consumption.
– Oenophobia is an intense fear or hatred of wine.
– top three imported wines sold in the U.S. are Yellowtail (Australia), Cavit (Italy), and Concha y Toro (Chile).

personally, i am a red wine drinker. i love a merlot or a cabernet sauvignon, but blends are my favorite. both bottles of red wine that i prefer are reasonably priced.

yellow tail, a cabernet merlot blend is the best.
this bottle can be bought at a local cvs, windixie, publix.. $6 (soooo cheap and sooooo good!)

Ménage à Trois Red – a blend of 3 different red wines.
also found at a local cvs, publix or windixie. $12

tips when ordering/ways to impress a girl:

at a restaurant, let the sommelier (waiter/server) pour the wine into your glass. gently swirl the wine, i repeat, GENTLY… use those muscles for something else! sniff it. sip it. hesitate. don’t say yes until you have maybe tried it a second time.

the waiter sommelier, most likely will present a cork to you when you order a bottle of wine. moment of truth, what the eff do you do? look at it to be certain that it is intact and not dried out, and that is it. please do not sniff it.

some people have trouble pronouncing names of wines, so stick with labels you can pronounce, and if you want to choose a wine you can’t pronounce, just point. (i  know i know, your mother always told you not to point, but in a situation like this, anything goes!)

don’t look nervous.

remember: white wine with fish, red wine with meat and champagne with anything.

just call me betty crocker.

if you know me, you know the kitchen and i don’t mix, unless of course i am making myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. i can count the amount of times on one hand that i have cooked a meal for myself other than eggs, and pasta (which i didn’t know how to make until i got to college.) college was a big four years for me in the learning to do things on my own phase of my life. freshman year, i learned how to open a can of tuna with a can opener.. junior year, i learned how to cut an onion, these may be very simple things for most people but i, the spoiled child that i was growing up had no idea how to do anything. i used to be in-charge of the sweet potatoes with marshmallows on thanksgiving, but that quickly ended when the marshmallows caught on fire. i am notorious for being clumsy, and my roommates in college new this, so you can imagine the trust they had in my cooking. with that said, 2012 has been all about learning how to cook – or bake. i have started this thing where i bake cakes for my friends on their birthdays. these cakes are straight from the box, you know the just add water and some oil and voilà you are done. (and if you think these cakes are dummy proof, well you are wrong my friend i have also some how, shape or form managed to forget to add oil. you can just guess how that cake turned out – one giant disaster.) of course my cakes have gotten better the more i do them, but this time i wanted a challenge. i had stumbledupon a recipe for chocolate chip cookies with an oreo in the middle. the picture made them look absolutely delicious that i HAD to try it out. this was my very first time ever baking something from scratch so please please please bare with with me.

Ingredients:
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter or margarine, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 large egg
1 (12 ounce) package NESTLE® TOLL HOUSE® Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels (i used milk chocolate..)
1 pack of oreos

not all the ingredients are pictured..

how to make them:

pre heat the oven to 375. (of course i completely forgot this step when i was baking)

COMBINE flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl.

Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy.

Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.

(when doing this i wouldn’t use the mixer, use wooden spoon because it was extremely difficult with that contraption)

Gradually beat in flour mixture. stir in the chocolate chips.

caution, the wooden spoon might break.

now, get an oreo, put one scoop of the cookie dough on top of the cookie and one scoop on the bottom.

it might get a little messy.

don’t forget to put butter on the baking sheets.. (i almost forgot that too)

stick the cookies in the oven, wait about 12 minutes… and there ya go.

okay, i know i know this is the prime example of expectation vs. reality. i was so disappointed when i took them out of the oven. i was like WHAAAT! this is not what the picture looked like. but as i was eating one these delectable cookies, i realized you are supposed to take the excess cookie that is around the oreo off.. so it is kinda a perfect cookie.. you get some delicious oreo/choc. chip cookies and you also just get a bunch of plain ones too.

when i was done baking, i rushed over to a friends house and handed out my goodies. they didnt last til the next morning. so i guess that was a sign they were good. whoooo hooo! i was so happy until i received a text the next morning saying that i gave everyone a tummy ache. ;\ but i think it was because they ate too many!

oh well.

don’t let that discourage you on trying out the recipe for yourself. i promise, they were scrumdiddlyumptious.

gtl babbyyy

the gym. i have plenty of things to say about the gym. one, why do guys think it is appropriate to hit on girls while they are at the gym. we are sweaty and smelly and look gross, the last thing i want to do is to be asked for my number while i am doing squats or leg presses. there is a time and place for everything and the gym is NOT the time or the place. complaint number one.

attire. i don’t know if i should start with women or men. who is the genius that started  the “sandal wearing trend” at the gym. SERIOUSLY, i hope a weight falls on your foot. why in the hell would you ever wear sandals to them gym! it is like a girl wearing heels to the gym, completely inappropriate. then there are the jean shorts. i cringe when i see a guy wearing jean shorts at the gym. i know very well you have basketball shorts in your house, so why do you opt for the jean shorts.. cmon.

next order of business, this is for the ladies… why do some girls go to the gym with so much makeup on that they resemble a clown. you do know you are at the gym, and you do know you sweat and make up tends to run.. personally i think girls who wear a considerable amount of make up to the gym look absolutely ridiculous. but that is just my opinion.

then there are the girls tend to wear those biker shorts that are so far up their ass that they spend the majority of the time they are at the gym picking their wedgies. they then complain and get loud with guy when they stare/make rude comments. if you don’t want to get attention don’t dress for your night job on the corner of 49th street

 

what i love.. seeing older woman completely decked out head to toe in the same color. you know those 50 some year olds that never left the 80s. They wear red tights with a red tank with red shoes and then as if that isn’t enough they wear a red scrunchie! i love  it. i always smirk when i see this and think to myself, i hope this never happens to me, unless of course i look like jane fonda. 

it’s as simple as something that nobody knows

do you ever have those cravings (ladies, you know what i am talking about, especially when it is that lovely time of the month) and all you want to do is grab a bag of cheetos, a chocolate bar, preferably ones with almonds in it —yum, and any type of bread you can put in front of a girl! of course anything you are craving means you really shouldn’t be eating it (ie: bags of chips, cookies, brownies and anything else that adds size to your waist line instead of decreasing the inches). i first came across these “eat this when you are craving this instead of that” in the latest issue of cosmo (i think, i read a lot of magazines). i noted what it said and continued on with my day. i now came across another list while i was on my oh so favorite website stumbleupon.com and it lists the dos and the don’ts, so i am passing along this new bible and sharing it with all of you.

memorial day weekend..

2 weeks away && the florida keys are calling my name. with memorial day weekend quickly approaching i have decided to go on a STRICT diet. meaning, no bread. just water. and of course my daily consumption of veggies. (i am on day one so this will prob last a week lol) why is eating healthy so hard? i feel like everywhere you go you are consumed with the smell of fried delicious food or cake. CAKE seems to be everywhereeee! ugh.

but to hold me over i usually eat the following as snacks:

celery + peanut butter

popcorn

pretzels

nuts

yogurt

yogurt + granola cereal

fiber one 90 calorie chocolate peanut butter bar

any suggestions? recipes? websites?