those three little words..

lets say something happens to you, something you think is huge… maybe in others eyes it is just a small little problem but in your eyes, this something is catastrophic and you feel as if your world is coming to an end. you turn to your friends for support and before you tell them your problem you say those three magic words, “don’t. tell. anyone.” within minutes you look at your cell phone and everyone you have known since middle school is texting you with “omg are you okay”. (okay, fine i am exaggerating…not since middle school, but all your close friends, and their close friends and maybe their close friends have found out your latest drama.) why is it when you say “don’t tell anyone” it is as if those words are code for: yes, spread my business all over town after i just asked you not to tell a soul. i have a few friends, (who i am sure are reading this right now, and YES, I AM TALKING ABOUT YOU), who do not know the meaning of the phrase, “don’t tell anyone.” even the most obscure people end up finding out. like really? how? well this is how, simple equation. blabber mouth tells x+y+z, then x+y+z each tell their own x+y+z, then those tell a few more and bam, everyone within a 30 mile radius has just found out. how do you solve this equation, eliminate your friend… haha, if only it was that simple.. i guess this would be my (your) own fault. you think after the 13435234578864th time it has happened, you would stop telling that friend your secrets… but for some reason you just keep going back and hoping that maybe after the -insert number above here- they will finally shut their trap and not tell anyone. but i have figured out how to avoid your business from making it front page news. nonchalantly, as if it is no big deal, say your problem. whatever you do, don’t put any emphasis on what the problem really is. push comes to shove, come up with another issue and say, “omg don’t tell anyone” about that situation, then sneak attack the real issue at hand. when you don’t make a big deal about what you don’t want others to talk about, they seem to not care.. as soon as those three words escape your mouth, everything around you seems to stop, and all ears are on you. every precise detail has now been recorded and will be on repeat for the next week and a half.

moral of the story, avoid using phrases like “don’t tell anyone,” and while we are on that subject, avoid at all costs saying, “don’t look” because that is an open invitation to stare at whatever it is you don’t want them to look at.

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